Tag Archives: journaling

How Questions Can Help You Find Your Voice

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We have just a few more spaces left on our 2016 Haven Writing Retreat calendar!

September 21-25 (one space left)
October 5-9 (spaces left)
October 19-23 (spaces left)

To schedule a phone call to learn more about the retreat, go to the Contact Us button here.

What does it really mean to find your voice?  I use this word “voice” all the time when I talk about writing.  Often I get met with looks of confusion or even terror.  “I don’t have a voice,” so many people say.  “Someone already said it better than I ever could, anyway.”

To me, that’s like being mad at God and saying that God doesn’t exist in the same breath.  If you’re mad at God, then you must think God exists.  If you simultaneously say that you don’t have a voice and that it isn’t unique, then you believe your voice exists!  And that’s where the writing comes in.

In my formative years, I had what my teachers called verbal diarrhea.  What’s the symbolism of the fish in “Old Man in the Sea?”  Oh oh oh!  Pick me!  Pick me!  I was THAT kid whose arm was raised so long that she had to prop it up with the other hand at the elbow until her fingers tingled, and still they only called on me when all the quiet people had been given a shot.  I screamed my lungs out at lacrosse and soccer and hockey games.  I was the president of the choir.  I spoke at chapel services.  I was in every musical, usually the brazen alto hussy.  Adelaide in Guys and Dolls is still one of the shining moments of my life.  In other words, all the world was a stage.  And that was before answering machines.  If there were answering machines in those days, I would have been cut off every time.  Beep.  Redial.  “Part Two…so anyway…”

And then, junior year in high school, I went mute.  I got vocal nodules.  I couldn’t talk without a severe rasp.  I couldn’t sing at all.  And I certainly couldn’t cheer.  The doctors told me that I could undergo an operation to remove the nodules, or I had to stop talking, including whispering, for three months.  Smack dab in the middle of my glory days.
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No talking?  Who was I without talking?  If I didn’t answer hard questions in the classroom, was I smart?  If I didn’t cheer at the game, did I have school spirit?  If I didn’t stay up late night with friends solving the problems of the universe, was I loving and loyal and deep?  If I didn’t join the throngs that converged between classes, in the dining hall, in assemblies and social gatherings with my stab at quick wit or charm or whatever it was that I was trying to prove in the weight of words…then who was I?

Everything changed that year.  In the classroom, my hand remained on my pen, taking copious notes where I would otherwise be thinking about what I was going to say next.  In conversation, I did the same.  I listened.  At sports games, I learned how to whistle loudly.  And to communicate what I had to say, I carried around a notebook.  High school girls talk fast, and writing takes a while.  So I learned to only chime in when I really had something important to add to the conversation.

But I felt left out.  So I fashioned a tool that changed my life.  I started asking questions.  Questions were the way to go.  People had opinions and answers and I loved writing them down and turning them into essays for the school newspaper, like Erma Bombeck.  I wanted to be Erma Bombeck.  But how was she so sharp and funny and real and deep?  How did she have that unique Erma Bombeck voice?  It dawned on me that it had to grow from a deep curiosity.  She had questions, and she wrote into the answers.  Questions held the key.  It would be years before I read Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet:  “…love the questions themselves…”

A question, especially a powerful one, begs an answer.  And no answer is ever the same.  It’s only as good as the person of whom you ask the question.  Of course we all fear that we are ripping off something that we heard someone else say, or parroting the collective bombast.  But even if we try with all our puny might to opine the way Uncle Henry did last Thanksgiving…we really can’t.  I see it over and over at my writing retreats.  I put out a writing prompt, and ten minds go in ten directions.  Sometimes there are parallels, but even those are unique to the author.  It’s just not possible for me to think or speak or write like you, or vice the verse.

So how do you find your voice?  Maybe go mute.  Or mute-ish for a few days.  Make a conscious effort to take a beat before you speak.  If you’re not a big talker, let yourself off the hook and just listen.  The world will go on without our commentary.  We’re not going to lose our job or a loved one over a few lost words.  Tell them you’re on vocal rest, if you must.  Don’t tell them why.  And use this time very intentionally to write down your observations.  Then, turn them into powerful questions that you answer on the page for your eyes only.  Notice what you have to say and how you have to say it, without any pressure.  You might be surprised.  Now bring this back into your interactions with people (and if you’re a writer, in your work), and see if you feel more empowered.  See what your voice sounds like now.

Take away:  if you think you don’t have a voice, start with a powerful question.  (Notice that I began this essay with one.)  Answer it for yourself, in a journal, or on a walk when no one’s listening.  You have a voice.  No one can say what you have to say in the way that only you can say it.  Your job is to give yourself permission to believe that this is so.
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Retreat. Re-invent. One woman’s story.

Come on a Haven Retreat in Montana!   (ranked in the top five writing retreats in the US!)

Just a few spots left for:

September 10-14
September 24-28
October 8-12
October 22-26

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For whatever reason– call it the Leo/Virgo cusp which says, “The great strength of Leo/Virgos is in their creativity and attention to detail, and their desire to be of service,” or chalk it up to a lifetime of creative self-expression on the page and a deep yearning to help people know what I know:  writing is a therapeutic tool that should be up there with diet and exercise in the way of preventative wellness. It doesn’t really matter. I am simply fiercely hungry to create, and fiercely driven to help. So when I got an email from one of my Haven Retreat alums last week, I wept with joy and I called my kids into my office: “THIS is why Mommy leads retreats. THIS.” Then I told them about Latonia. She says it in her own words best:

“I saw Laura at a women’s conference in Boston where she spoke about getting unstuck by getting out of your own way and self-expression.  At this event, I learned of the Haven Writing Retreat. Hearing Laura speak was eye opening for me at a time when I was soul searching for joy in my life. Even though I had a month old baby and finances were a challenge, I took a big risk and attended the retreat. What Haven provided was an outlet of dedicated time for me to reconnect with my own self-expression through writing. Laura’s passion for writing and the love for her work made me feel comfortable amongst a diverse group—some professional writers, some just starting out, some with project ideas, and others who had only written in personal journals, like me. Haven made me realize the power of my words and how my journaling has made a meaningful difference in my life over the years. My experience left such a lasting impression on me I was inspired to share my joy for journaling with the world and started a new career through a business called Let’s Write Life. When I signed up, I was told that Haven would change my life…and it truly did!”

–Latonia Francois, MA – Owner of Let’s Write Life

1491465_10151726883476266_817774411_oI contacted Latonia immediately and asked her if she’d do this Question and Answer in hopes that it might inspire people out there to tune in to what they love, take a strong, brave stand for it, especially in the field of writing. I believe that writing heals, and so does Latonia. Here is our conversation:

Question and Answer with Latonia Francois (Haven Retreat Alum)

What role has writing played in your life?

I never considered myself to be writer, but journaling is something I have always done from early in my childhood. It’s always been a lifeline that has brought light to every situation.

How specifically has the process of journaling helped you?

When I journal, I escape the “process” of life. All the routines that make up our days, occupy our time, spend our money, give us joy, cause us stress, or even make us feel our best…I escape it through journaling and arrive to a place that only involves…me.

I gain clarity through my journaling, peace of mind, and joy through my own self-expression. When I am down, I release stress through the “power of the pen,” lol.

What made you take the leap and come on a Haven Writing Retreat?

I was at place in my life where I was resisting a change I felt I needed and really wanted the space and time to soul search. When I learned about Haven, I was at a Woman’s Conference expecting the best out of it and that’s when I sat in your (Laura’s) workshop and was really taking in everything you were saying about “Being Stuck and Getting Out of Your Own Way.” I was so inspired from the workshop and the questions of self-reflection that you shared, I said I needed more of this and took a flyer for Haven Retreat that just so happened to be starting the very next day. I went home and the workshop stayed on my mind so much, I had to make attending the retreat happen, and now the rest is history.Journal-_Fotor-400x250

What were some of your obstacles in taking that stand for yourself?

Attending the retreat was certainly unexpected for me. I had just had a baby. She was only 3 weeks old at the time. I hadn’t even been away from her at all up until the women’s conference, so this was a hard decision in itself to leave my husband, my toddler, and the new baby for the duration of the retreat. In my mind I knew I wanted to give myself the space to mentally move forward in my life in a joy filled way, but I wasn’t allowing myself to do that while at home meeting the demands of my family and household responsibilities.

How did your “yes” voice win out?

Honestly, with the unconditional support of my husband, my “yes” voice won! We both agreed my well-being was most important for me, my family, and my next phase of life. The last year leading up to the retreat was pretty difficult and I needed time to de-stress, reflect, restore, and work on me. I needed “me-time.”

How did your experience at Haven inspire you to create Let’s Write Life?

I was soul searching for joy in my life and took a leap of faith to attend. While on the retreat, I journaled making every effort to bring what was inside my heart out on paper. The exercises and activities were structured in a way that allowed me to not only write, but to HEAR the words on heart. Attending Haven made me realized the power of my words and how much journaling has ALWAYS made a difference in my life. Haven left such a lasting impression on me, I was inspired to share my joy for journaling with the world and started a new career through Let’s Write Life. Relationships I built with others in the group was also inspiring and it was comforting to know we were all there discovering something new about ourselves. When I signed up, I was told Haven would change my life…and it did!

What do you hope people will gain from working with you?

I hope that people would hear my life story and be empowered by it. I believe that your best story is your life story. That’s my inspirational message I share with everyone because there were times in my life I thought I wasn’t going to make it or ever achieve the level of happiness that I desired, but those dark times are the very moments that have empowered me. Many times people get stuck because life challenges prevent them from taking leaps of faith to move forward or to let go and discover what they are truly capable of.

Tell us some details about the Let’s Write Life method?

Through Let’s Write Life I share a self-empowering journey through a specific and unique journaling technique that brings healing through writing.
As journaling has played a pretty meaningful role in my life, what you’ll find with me is that journaling is at the heart of everything I do personally so it only makes sense to bring that into each Let’s Write Life experience. My life story is the guiding force behind all the topics I cover from self-empowerment, overcoming depression, healing from family hurt, business tragedy, and coping with the transitions of life. From my own journaling, I have developed some pretty awesome journaling techniques that allowed me to overcome life challenges and achieve happiness, so Let’s Write Life allows anyone to explore the possibilities of journaling.

Who would greatly benefit from your work?

I am empowering youths, parents, individuals, business owners, elderly, veterans and anyone that needs encouragement, wants to begin a self-empowering life journey to discover true joy, or just loves to journal or wants to explore the possibilities of journaling. My hope is to bring my workshops into education programs, wellness and family centers, and other places that support personal development.

What advice would you give to people who have a dream?

When I think about a dream I’m reminded of this quote I really love, which I found online that says, “Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.” Dreams are apart of life. Everyone has them. The decision to achieve them is up to YOU. Let Your Dreams Empower You.

What’s Your Story?
Your best story is your life story.
Start Writing Yours.

Let’s Write Life
Learn more about Latonia’s personal story of healing to happiness through speaking engagements, workshops, and one-on-one sessions.

Learn More: http://letswritelife.com/lets-write/
Work With Me: http://letswritelife.com/work-with-me/

Latonia Francois
www.LetsWriteLife.com
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/letswritelife
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